#4: Transitions

Let's catch up on what I've been up to since I lost my full-time job.

Whew, boy! So much has happened since the last newsletter issue. Bear with me: this one will be more personal than I'm used to being on the Internet. At the encouragement of some good friends and artists I admire around the globe, I'm pushing myself to wear my heart on my sleeve more often.

Summer travels

A week after getting laid off, I went on a very well-timed vacation to Italy and then Switzerland (which was absolutely breathtaking). 

Italy is a very special place for me. In college, I studied in Siena with a mission to learn Italian and successfully live by myself in a foreign country. I was the only American in the program at the time, and I signed up for all of my art history and sociology courses in Italian. I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to learn the language well and "practice independence," often at the expense of the fun and debauchery usually associated with a study abroad experience. I'd also made the unwise decision to maintain an unruly pixie cut throughout my trip, which made me feel like a boy troll for six months.

I didn't identify as an artist when I first visited Italy, but I spent a lot of my time in the shadow of a gifted one I'd met on the trip. We are no longer friends, but something he said once has never left me – "if you're sitting, you're drawing." That quote played in my head a lot during this recent trip.

I could not anticipate how it would feel to return to Siena. As I walked down Via Delle Terme and passed Banca Monte Dei Paschi – the world's oldest bank, and also where I'd hand in my monthly residence hall check – I could still feel the loneliness and confusion I carried on that trip all of those years ago. My self-worth was so rooted in getting good grades and trying to appear smart, both to myself and to everyone else. Imagine my shock when I failed my first ever class in another language! It was liberating to return with the knowledge that none of those fears ended up mattering. My GPA is a distant memory. I now spend more time making art than reading about artists. I am once again at a crossroads in my life, but in a way that feels so different than it did back when I had no idea who I was. A flood of tears poured down my face as I sat in the same coffee shop I lived in as a student, drinking the same cafe macchiato poured by the same barista who worked there in 2013. I didn't expect this type of catharsis on my trip back. It tore me up and birthed me anew. Special shout out to my sweet fiancé Nick who allowed me the space to be this level of mess on vacation.

Layoff Stuff

I prophetically drew this in my journal two months before I lost my job.

In the same hour I got laid off, my dad was signing papers to begin his retirement. I've been reflecting on that serendipity a lot, how we are both entering new chapters - ones that will look markedly different from one another, but very clear transitions nonetheless. 

At my previous job, I created thousands of images for online health communities. I facilitated inclusive illustration training and skill sharing workshops so team members could learn from one another. I discovered how much I love managing others and helping young designers grow. I had also known for a while that it was time to go. I thought often about what would happen if I invested more fully into my freelance work. I mourned the opportunities I had to reject and the daytime art classes and residencies I'd never be able to take if I was still anchored to my 9-5 job. It was disorienting to get laid off, but the silver lining shines brighter for me now as I consider the possibilities that weren't available to me in my previous chapter.

I've been catching up with fellow illustrators with my newfound time, and many have shared how unexpectedly not busy they've been this year. Combing through LinkedIn posts of layoff after layoff announcement confirms that this crisis obviously extends much farther than the illustration and design industry. Still, I'm teeming with optimism and momentum for what comes next from here. It's scary to invest fully in freelance like this; I've done it before, but with a slimmer portfolio and less industry knowledge. I'm still shocked by the audacity I have to believe in myself, but in my gut I know it's time to beef up my portfolio, discover new clients, and give freelance work a real try again. I’m ready this time.

Summer murals

The day before I left for Italy, I learned that a proposal I sent out to create a mural for Silverstein Properties got accepted. Do you know how wonderful it felt to welcome this chapter back into freelance with a juicy mural gig? Meow! I designed the concept while I was still waiting to hear about whether I'd be among the ones impacted at my previous company. The mural is called "Joy in Leisure," and it reflects the type of serenity and carefree fun I’d daydream about have while holding down my office job. It’s also a celebration of the types of characters that fill the streets of Philadelphia during this time of year.

Thanks to my girl Hannah Yoon for this progress shot!

If you book me for a mural gig, I promise I’ll get the job done, but I cannot promise that I won’t dance a little while I do it.

I'm so excited to share the completed mural with you at the end of the month. I'll post about it on Substack Notes and the gram.

Hire me for things

As you may have already guessed, I am open and available for work! These are some things I'd absolutely love to do:

• Murals and public art, especially for community engagement projects

• Illustrations for digital and print campaigns

• Children's illustration work (I'm currently ramping up that side of my portfolio, but I'm putting this goal out into the world for now)

It means the world to me that you got this far. Thank you so much for your support.

Until next time,
Cindy